By Bigboy Madzivanzira
At primary school, you would hear of children who stole other children’s notebooks. Not to use them. Not to copy. Just to tear them and throw them away.
They hurt you because you were good in class.
Many years later, as a Health Promotion Practitioner and Family Therapist, I have learned that those children never left school. They just grew up, got older, and their bitterness grew with them.
I have seen people who had a fleet of cars now driving for other people. I have seen people who had houses and now they are renting. Now they are in their old age and they are bitter seeing progress in their same age mates. That is bitterness.
Bitterness is not always about you. Many times, it is about what life did to them.
What causes this kind of bitterness?
1. Life changed, but they did not.
Some people were blessed early. They had cars, houses, businesses. But they did not manage well. They did not save, they did not invest in people, they lived as if money will never end. When life changed — business fell, health failed, children grew — they lost everything. Now they are old and they are renting the house they once would have bought. When they see their age mate who was patient, who built slowly, who is now stable, they feel pain. Instead of saying “I made mistakes,” they say “he used juju.” That is bitterness.
2. They compare the end of their story with the middle of yours.
In therapy we see this daily. A man who had five cars in 2005 is now a driver in 2026. His friend who had one car in 2005 still has that one car, a small house, and peace. The first man is not angry that his friend has a house. He is angry that life humbled him. Watching your status reminds him that he fell.
3. Unhealed pain ferments.
In health promotion we say what you don’t express, you depress. Many older people in Zimbabwe are carrying pain from loss of property, loss of marriage, loss of status. Instead of going for counseling, instead of talking to their pastor or therapist, they keep it inside. It ferments. Hebrews 12:15 says, “a bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” That root now watches your WhatsApp status, inboxes confusing messages, and shouts.
4. They believe life is a small plate.
A bitter old person thinks if you are progressing at 45, you have taken his chance. He does not understand that God has no age limit. He does not know that your progress at 45 does not block his peace at 65.
How do we heal this kind of bitterness?
First, to the older person who lost cars and houses: Your life is not over. Your value was never in the fleet. Your value is in your wisdom. You can still mentor, you can still drive with dignity, you can still rent with peace. Stop watching your age mate’s progress and start writing your second chapter.
Second, to the younger leader being watched: Set boundaries without becoming bitter. You can mute a person from your status without hating them. Boundary is not disrespect. Boundary is health. Don’t explain your success. You don’t owe anyone an apology for growing slowly and faithfully.
Third, to all of us: Forgive life. Forgive yourself. Forgiveness is not saying what happened was right. Forgiveness is saying, “I will not allow yesterday’s loss to raise my blood pressure today and steal my sleep tonight.” Forgiveness lowers cortisol.
I have learned one thing from torn notebooks to fleets of cars: The child who kept writing despite torn notebooks will keep building despite people watching his status. The man who lost his fleet but keeps his heart clean will still have peace, even while renting.
To the person who is bitter about me today — I wish you healing. Your fleet may be gone, your house may be gone, but your future is not gone. Buy a new notebook and start writing again.
Because God does not measure progress by cars. He measures it by peace.
About the Author:
Bigboy Madzivanzira is a Health Promotion Practitioner, Medical Rehabilitation Practitioner, Family Therapist and Freelance Journalist accredited by the Zimbabwe Media Commission. He can be contacted on 0773 367 913 or healthpromotionclinic@gmail.com