The deaths of a Zimbabwean mother and her two daughters by Ndodana Mkhanyisi Tshuma in Bedfordshire, United Kingdom has shocked us all.
As the criminal investigation proceeds, one difficult issue deserves honest discussion, not to excuse violence, but to understand why some African men in the diaspora feel trapped when their marriages collapse.
I write from personal experience. I went through a divorce in the United Kingdom, and I understand the emotional and financial devastation that can follow. In my view, many African men enter marriage believing they are building a future for their family, only to find that when the relationship ends, they can lose their home, a significant portion of their assets, no contact with their children and much of what they spent years working to achieve.
Many African men arrive in the UK with nothing or little, work tirelessly to establish themselves, buy homes, support extended families back in Africa and provide opportunities for their children. Yet when divorce comes, especially where young children are involved, they often feel that the legal process leaves them carrying long-term financial obligations while starting their own lives again from scratch.
Whether that perception is always accurate is open to debate, but it is a reality for many men who have lived through the experience, like me. The emotional impact is compounded by cultural expectations that men should remain strong, provide financially and never admit they are struggling. Many suffer in silence.
This is one reason why we continue to hear of African men in the diaspora taking their own lives after divorce or suffering severe depression. Others lose hope because they believe they have lost everything they spent decades building. That sense of despair deserves 100% attention, even though it can never justify harming another person.
We must be willing to ask whether enough support exists for African men going through divorce. Are there adequate mental health services? Are fathers given sufficient opportunities to maintain meaningful relationships with their children? Do immigrant men fully understand their legal rights and obligations before entering marriage? These are legitimate questions that deserve public debate.
Having experienced divorce myself, I believe more needs to be done to ensure that family law is applied fairly, that both parents are treated with dignity and that fathers are not left feeling invisible. A legal system should protect the welfare of children while also ensuring that neither parent feels abandoned by the process.
If we ignore the experiences of divorced men simply because the subject is uncomfortable, we risk allowing despair to grow in silence. We owe it to families, children and future generations to have that conversation openly and honestly.
I carry the scars of divorce. If this story reflects your own experience, let’s talk. Silence helps no one.
Engineer Jacob Kudzayi Mutisi
+447468949403 or +263772278161